The Truth About Horatio Caine
by Aeon65
Summary: Speed has a conversation with Stetler. Sequel to Role Reversal, Difficult Decisions, and New Beginning. Slash.


Part 1:Role Reversal, Part 2:Difficult Decisions, Part 3:New Beginning are all available from my profile page or on my website.

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Title: The Truth About Horatio Caine

Author: Aeon Cole

Rating: FRT

Warning: Slash

Fandom: CSI: Miami

Pairing: Horatio/Speed/Stetler

Word Count: 2730

Summary: Speed has a conversation with Stetler.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

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Rick was worried. He'd watched Horatio's behavior become more erratic over the past few weeks. It hadn't reached the point where anyone else would notice, not yet anyway. But to someone who'd known him as long and as well as Rick had, the change was disturbingly obvious and given Horatio's past history, it gave Rick ample cause for worry. He was also certain that he knew the cause of Horatio's sudden change, the only variable, the only new aspect of Horatio's life, Tim Speedle.

Horatio had mentioned to him that Tim had been asking about the other man so Rick felt it was time he revealed himself. He would also need to make Tim aware of a few things that he knew Horatio wouldn't, or rather couldn't tell him. Tim was currently out in the field so Rick had left word at the front desk that he needed to see him as soon as he returned.

Tim walked into the building carrying a large evidence box. As he approached the elevators Paula called him over to the front desk. He placed the box down on the counter and took the small pile of messages she had for him. He flipped through them quickly and, seeing the one from Stetler, cursed under his breath.

"Shit, what does he want?" he muttered.

He signed the evidence box over to Paula and asked her to bring it to his lab and secure it there then he headed to the elevator. As he road up in the car he was wracking his brain trying to figure out just what it was that he'd done to incur Stetler's wrath. He couldn't think of anything in particular but as the elevator doors slid open he figured he'd find out soon enough. He approached Stetler's office door and knocked hoping the other man would not be there, but he heard a voice call from inside for him to enter. He felt just a little bit like a small child being called to the principal's office for an offence he was certain he hadn't committed.

He walked inside and Rick said, "Close the door." After Tim had done that he said, "Take a seat. I need to talk to you about something."

As Tim sat down he remarked, "Whatever it is, I didn't do it."

Rick ducked his head trying to hide his amusement. "You're not being accused of anything," he said trying to sound reassuring. "But that remark does make me think you have a guilty conscience about something." Speed didn't reply to that. Rick sighed and continued. "I need to talk to you about Horatio."

Speed raised an eyebrow. Had IAB found out about his relationship with his boss, he wondered. But, if so, why wasn't Horatio here too. Finally he asked, "What about Horatio?"

Rick hesitated a moment. He was, after all, about to out himself to the other man and he had no idea how he would react. But he'd reached a point where he had to trust him or risk Horatio's career, maybe even his life.

"What I'm about to tell you is confidential and off the record but it's time you knew." Rick watched as Speed's brow wrinkled. He could tell the younger man really had no idea what he was about to say. He took a breath. "Horatio has mentioned to me that you have been asking who the other man in his life is," Rick said as casually as he could then he sat back in his chair and waited for Speed to put the pieces together.

Slowly Tim started shaking his head. "No way," he muttered. After a moment he stood up. "Look, I don't know what sort of sick game your playing but this is not funny," he said as he turned and walked to the door.

He was reaching for the handle when Rick stood and pleaded, "Just hear me out, please. I need your help, for Horatio's sake." Tim paused but didn't turn. "Look, believe me or don't believe me, but if you have any feelings at all for Horatio, listen to what I have to say."

Tim turned to face the other man but didn't soften his expression. "But you two hate each other. I've seen the way you ride him, the way you two argue."

Rick sighed. "It's a game we play, Tim. Very little of that is real."

"Why should I believe you?" Tim countered.

Rick looked him right in the eyes and said, "Because I'm telling you the truth. Because I love Horatio and don't want to see him hurt or worse."

Tim locked eyes with Stetler trying to catch any sign of deception. To his surprise he didn't see any. "You're not kidding, are you?" Stetler shook his head. Tim slowly made his way back to the chair and sat down hard still trying to process this new information. After a moment he looked up suddenly concerned and asked, "What did you mean by 'or worse'?"

"I don't know if you've noticed it or not, but his behavior is changing," Rick said. He saw Tim's confused expression and added, "You haven't noticed, have you?" Tim shook his head. "He's becoming more aggressive, a bit more reckless. I've noticed it mostly in his interrogations the past couple of weeks."

Tim thought back over the past few weeks and couldn't deny what Stetler was saying. "He's been getting results," he said, trying to defend the redhead.

"Yes, but at a cost," Rick countered.

"I don't understand where you're going with this," Tim finally admitted.

"How much has Horatio told you about his past?" Rick asked. He needed to have a starting point for this conversation.

Tim ducked his head for a moment. "He hasn't told me anything really."

Rick smirked and asked, "You two don't do much talking when you're together do you?" He could tell by the sudden blush that worked it's way up the younger man's neck that he was right. "I was afraid this might happen," Rick muttered.

Tim looked up at Rick as a thought suddenly occurred to him. "If you think I'm going to just sit here while you tell me I can't see him anymore then think again," he said getting ready to walk out again.

"Just relax, will you please," Rick replied a bit exasperated. "I'm not going to tell you anything of the sort."

Tim looked over at Rick confused. "Why not?" he asked. "If you love him as much as you say, why let him be with someone else?"

"Because he's always needed more than just me," Rick said quietly. It wasn't something he liked to admit but it was the truth. "We've been together for a long time. Our relationship is complicated."

Tim blew out a breath. "That's just what Horatio said."

"Well it's true," Rick said. "You have to stop doubting me and give me chance. Horatio is the way he is for a reason and I need to explain that to you so you know what you're dealing with or you're both libel to get hurt."

"Horatio would never hurt me," Tim said with confidence.

"Maybe not intentionally," Rick countered. "But if you're not careful, it will happen."

"Fine. Just tell me what you want to tell me so I can get back to my case," Tim said still not believing the other man.

Rick shook his head in frustration. He gave up on convincing Tim that his intentions were good and decided to just tell him and hope for the best. "Horatio and I met in college in New York almost 25 years ago though we didn't become lovers until a few years later."

"No way you're old enough for that," Tim interrupted.

Rick smirked. This was something he'd been dealing with most of his life. "Good genes I guess. Horatio is a year older than me. And I think he's aged more quickly given everything that's happened to him."

"What do you mean?" Tim asked.

"Horatio hasn't talked about his family at all?" Rick asked. Tim shook his head. "You know he had a brother, right?" Tim nodded. Everyone at the lab knew about Horatio's brother and rumors still circulated about how he died. "Raymond was the last of Horatio's immediate family. His parents died a long time ago not long after we'd met."

Rick paused for a moment to gather his thoughts. "Horatio didn't have an easy childhood. His father wasn't around much. When he was gone things weren't too bad. But when he was there it was hellish, primarily for Horatio."

"His father was abusive?" Tim asked.

"That's a nice way of putting it," Rick snarled. Talking about this part of Horatio's life always made him angry and he had to be careful to control himself. He took a deep breath before he continued. "His father was an alcoholic. He abused both boys mentally and physically." Rick paused for a moment debating with himself about telling Tim the next part but ultimately decided the truth was better. "I've never been able to get Horatio to confirm this but I'm fairly certain he was sexually abused too. When he was sixteen, he tried to kill himself."

"Excuse me?" Tim said. He wasn't sure he'd heard that correctly.

Rick continued, "The attempt failed, obviously. That was something that his father used to berate him about, that he didn't even have the guts to finish himself off. That was the first time."

"First time?" Tim asked.

"He's tried several times over the years, usually when things get to be too overwhelming for him." Rick looked down at his desk as he said, "The last time was two years ago when his brother died."

Tim almost couldn't believe that. He'd known Horatio then. They'd been working together for a couple of years when Ray was killed. "How did no one else find out about that?"

Rick sighed remembering that day. "Because he had enough common sense to slit his wrists at home and I'm the one who found him."

"You protected him," Tim said somewhat surprised.

"Just like I've been doing most of our lives," Rick said.

"Why didn't you report it, try to get him some help?"

"Because Horatio would have lost his job if I had," Rick said. "And if Horatio can't be a cop, as far as he's concerned, there's no reason to live."

"Are you worried he may try again?" Speed asked suddenly concerned.

"Not exactly. That's not what I'm seeing, not yet anyway," Rick replied. "I'm more worried about the aggression I'm seeing. You have to understand that, like it or not, Horatio inherited many of his father's tendencies. When we first met he was a very different person."

Speed had put aside all of his reservations about Rick Stetler by this point and was completely focused on his concern for Horatio. "How so?" he asked.

"He had a temper. He would get into fights and he drank quite a bit. He didn't have many friends. And he was aggressive towards his partners, which is what leads me to believe he was sexually abused."

Something in Ricks voice made Speed ask, "Was he that way toward you?"

Rick didn't answer immediately. He should have realized he wasn't giving the young CSI enough credit. A little information was all he needed to figure things out. After a moment he nodded.

"Why didn't you just leave?"

"There was a lot going on at that point. We were both still fairly young and I knew he cared for me," Rick said. "But I did put some distance between us until we'd worked out a way to deal with his impulse control problems."

"And that way to deal is how Horatio ended up the way he is now?" Speed asked.

"He agreed to allow me to become the dominant partner. I made all of the decisions. I called all the shots. But there was a side effect. He became completely dependant and that wasn't any better." Rick shook his head slightly. "Horatio never did anything half way."

Rick fell silent for a moment. "So you started working on this other side, the Horatio Caine that we see at the lab," Speed prompted.

"Yeah. He had to learn to separate the two. The more time that passed, the more separate the two sides became. The Horatio that the world sees is like a mask he wears but that Horatio isn't really capable of any sort of close personal relationships. For that, he has to let the other Horatio out and that Horatio needs to be controlled. His aggressiveness still slips out but it's usually limited to intimate situations when the Lieutenant Caine persona is completely submerged."

Speed thought about this and tried to relate it to his recent experiences with Horatio. "He asked me to restrain him when we're… together," Speed said. "I haven't always wanted to."

"He's conditioned to restrain himself when he feels himself getting too aggressive," Rick commented.

"I noticed that. He'll grab onto whatever he can, usually the headboard."

"I'll sometimes let him self-restrain. But he's much happier if you tie him up. If he knows he can't get loose he actually feels freer."

"And he never tops?" Speed asked.

"No, not any more. He's too likely to hurt someone that way and he knows it," Rick said.

Speed looked at Rick for a moment. "His piercing. He got that so he couldn't top, didn't he?"

Rick nodded. "It was his idea. He didn't think he would be able to stop himself when I wasn't around."

Speed thought for a moment before saying, "So your concern now is that his two sides have gotten closer together. His aggressive side is starting poke through."

"Yes," Rick concurred. "And I'm afraid it has a lot to do with what happened between the two of you in the showers last month."

Speed could feel the blush creeping into his cheeks again. He ducked his head. "He told you about that?"

"He did," Rick replied with slight amusement. "You see, those suits that he wears are part of the Lieutenant Caine costume, so to speak. He can't be Lieutenant Caine without them. That's part of the reason he doesn't use the showers at the lab, or the locker room to change."

"And that's why he let me do what I did that day," Speed muttered. He sighed. "This is all my fault. I should have just walked away. I almost did."

"You had no way of knowing," Rick said.

Speed looked up at him. "So what do we do?" Rick smiled when he said that. "What?" Speed asked.

"Thanks for saying 'we'," Rick replied.

Speed took a breath. "Well, we're all in this together, I guess. So, what do we do?"

"I've been thinking about that," Rick said. "I think we should all get together, the three of us, away from the lab." Rick looked down at his desk as he spoke. "I was thinking, maybe, my place this weekend." He looked back up at Tim. "If you'd be interested, that is."

Speed smiled softly and nodded. "I think that would be a good idea." He couldn't believe that in the short while that they'd been talking that his opinion of the IAB sergeant could shift so much.

Rick smiled back. "I'll talk to Horatio. Don't say anything to him about you being there. It's better he doesn't know that we've talked yet." Speed agreed. Rick hesitated again before he said, "It, um, would probably be a good idea if you and I get together before, to um, work out a plan."

One side of Speed's mouth quirked up as the idea of a threesome with Horatio and Rick flashed through his mind. He had the feeling Rick's mind was going in the same direction. "How's Wednesday after work sound?"

Rick's smile broadened. "Sounds great," he said.

Speed stood and Rick followed suit. He walked Speed to the door. Speed turned to face him. "You know, you're not at all what I thought you were," he said softly.

Rick smiled gently. "People rarely are," he countered.

They stared into each other's eyes for a moment before they drew closer. Rick leaned in first. The kiss remained chaste, a promise in lieu of a handshake before Speed walked out.

Fin


End file.
